You're Fired: 5 New Jobs For Carrie Prejean

630 W 5th Street, Los Angeles, CA 90071 (map)

Sexxy librarians are never overrated, Carrie. (Neither are naughty nurses but, let's be honest, a medical degree might be shooting for the stars.) Get a job here at this glorious Downtown L.A. institution and give teenage boys a renewed interested in reading the classics. Bonus points if you can find the definition of "opposite marriage" in any of the millions of books stored here.

321 Santa Monica Blvd, Santa Monica, CA 90401 (map)

Let's be frank: We've seen the pictures! Everybody has seen the pictures! And so what if you can't truthfully utter the classic Seinfeld line, "They're real and they're spectacular." This is Los Angeles, and you are not alone in the silicone situation. Consider embracing your unnatural assets with a job at this fine purveyor of chicken wings. Sure, shiny tan nylons and skimpy orange track shorts are a long way from evening wear, but we don't doubt you'll make it work.

8920 W Sunset Blvd, West Hollywood, CA 90069 (map)

While we know you've been hesitant to flaunt your new pageant-purchased assets in the past, turning down Playboy and a "film" offer from Vivid Entertainment, times are admittedly tougher. We think you should consider a job at this famous Sunset Strip landmark. Here you can stay sexed-up and keep things mostly covered--in a "Relax, it's only s*x" staff T-shirt--while ringing up racy purchases like sequined pasties, lacy lingerie, edible massage oils and adult toys. Not sure what the employee discount is.

8539 Sunset Blvd., W. Hollywood, CA 90069 (map)

Nothing says fired beauty queen like pale and pasty skin. Bring new meaning to the term "fake 'n bake" by getting a job at this premium faux-glow tanning salon. Too bad Sunset Tan's eponymous reality show is no longer filming--that would have been an excellent way to extend those four minutes of fame.

692 N Robertson Blvd, West Hollywood, CA 90069 (map)

Being treated equally by a "tolerant" beauty queen really drives the gayz wild, so you'll want to count on your Christian values while waiting tables and mixing stiff drinks at this WeHo bar. You'll have to bite your tongue and keep your thoughts on gay marriage to yourself if you want to earn good tips, but where's that classic sense of can-do? Winning second place in the Miss U.S.A. pageant wasn't easy either!